Most parents think that it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. They want to boost their self-esteem, and so they do it routinely. But could this be causing them to underperform?  

Intelligence is not something set in stone at birth. The amount of effort you put into learning can actually increase your IQ. When kids think the reason they are good at something is because they were born smart, they don’t want to try things where they might fail. Instead of persisting when they encounter difficulties, they quickly give up. They don’t want to experience the struggle and embarrassment of failing, and parents often want to protect their child from that experience, too. However, “Try, try again” is a necessary part of success.

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to failure.”

Dweck, Carol S., “The Perils and Promise of Praise,” Educational Leadership, vol. 65, no. 2, pp. 34-39 (2007).

So consider giving your child the message that, “The brain is a muscle. Giving it a harder workout makes you smarter,” rather than just, “You’re so smart!”